Today I heard that someone was pregnant, and I cried.  The Husband and I have had been trying to get pregnant for the past 4 years.  It’s been hard every month, especially when I’ve been late.  Those months were extremely difficult.  The excitement.  Thinking of how I would tell Husband.  Then it all coming crashing down with one trip to the toilet. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so incredibly grateful for the three wonderful children I have.  I just always thought I’d have a larger family, you know 5-6 kids.  With nothing happening for so long, we decided to take this to the Lord.  We fasted and prayed. And the answer came.  So sweet, so loving, but also so hard.  The conversion with God went something like this.  “Susannah you’re not going to have any more.”

But I don’t want to be done.

“I know, it’s for the best.”

How, how can that be?  I want to feel life again inside me.  Am I not good enough? And on and on I pled with God.  Finally came peace.  It’s still hard sometimes. But I know that He knows how I’m feeling and I trust that He knows what’s best for me.  Always the peace overtakes the pain, and I see how blessed I am.  Heavenly Father is so good to me.  He allows people to come into my life and lift me up just when I need them.  And I Hope.  I hope that I can in turn do the same for others- touch their hearts and lives just when they need it as well.

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